Oprah moment

I was watching Oprah yesterday and Brooke Shields was on talking about her post partum depression. She made a comment about how after her daughter was born she thought to herself she didn't want to be a mother, and that she didn't want her baby.
The memory came back to me of when I had those same thoughts. It's so hard to admit that. Ben was 2 days old when I remember laying in bed thinking "what did I do?" "I don't want him" "I made a mistake, I don't want to be a mother". "Can I take this back?"
Now I can't believe I ever thought that way, because I don't love anyone more than my boys and nothing makes me happier than being a mom. It doesn't matter how many times Ben drives me crazy with his whining fits or talking back to us, or how Jared refuses to stop fussing unless we stand up to hold him for what feels like hours at a time, I wouldn't trade them for anything. They're so great, sometimes I'm crazy enough to want more just like them (if it just weren't for that pregnancy thing).
What a blessing and honor it is to be a Mommy.

Bad cyst!

WARNING! This is a graphic blog and should not be read by those with weak stomachs.

I grew a 3rd boob! Ok, not really a boob, but a cyst, a HUGE nasty cyst! It started out a tiny little bump on my chest bone that only I could see. So, I go to the dr. and have it checked out to confirm it's no big deal and it will probably never change. So she tells me I can just leave it there forever and it should never bother me. Wrong again, Mama! Last week that sucker flared up and was bigger than a quarter in circumference and sticking out about 1/2 inch, serious, real gross! I couldn't even walk with out being in excruciating pain. Don't even think about going braless, because the weight of my milk holders pulled that nasty bugger down and it killed! Finally after a week of hell, the dr. agreed to drain the cyst only because it became so bad that it began to ooze on it's own and it started to make me physically sick. It only took a half hour to push all the guck out, 30 minutes...that's alot of guck.
Now I'm a happy girl with a whole in her chest that I'm sure will leave a pretty little scar in my cleavage. It should go well with my scabbed up, chapped nipples. Yes, that's right, my baby boy is a ferocious eater. I love being a woman.